Sunday, 20 September 2009

The Test

The first thing I wanted to do was write about this.

So, I've been feeling a bit odd for a week or so, feeling nauseous, having tender boobs (never had that before), being REALLY moody, and generally feeling quite unusual. So yesterday I decided it was about time to use the last pregnancy test I had in the cupboard.

It was right after my mum had popped by to visit me - and the funny thing was that I nearly told her how I felt, but then stopped myself since I thought it'd be silly to get any hopes up if I was wrong about it. But then shortly after she went, I did the test... and it was two of those silly little pink lines. Within about a minute or perhaps even less.. no doubt there then, it would seem! I was, well, I didn't know what to think, but it was quite unreal. I've been wanting to have babies since I was about 6 (don't ask why), and only recently had decided with my husband that we were probably going to wait a couple of years before starting a family.

So anyway, there I was all on my own in the house, not wanting to tell anyone before Simon but he wasn't home til half 10. It was about 8pm. I felt this sort of sick-but-excited feeling in my stomach that didn't really go away. So I decided to text EB. I knew SJ wouldn't mind me telling her first, and anyway I didn't feel it necessary to even mention it later on. So I texted her: (WARNING - full text conversation ahead!)

Me: "Hey, I need to tell you something, I'm gona text it to u but I want u to be on your own coz NO ONE else can know can u let me know when u are pls?Xxx"

EB: "Ok, i'm at A's at the mo but won't be home til late. I can send him out the room if you want or wud u prefer 2 say another time? E x"

Me: "Yeah that would be ok, as long as u don't say anythin to him after obviously lol.. Xx"

EB: "I'm alone! Now i duno whether 2 b worried or excited... E xxx"

Me: "Cheers hun. Sorry to be so secertive... Not told anyone yet, and sj's at work.. was feelin a bit weird lately, n just took a pregnancy test [my last, incidentally, so I can't retest!] ...but ANYWAY, result = positive. Um, eek?! Xxx"

EBB: "=O yay!Wow i duno wat 2 say! That's really exciting! So u haven't told SJ yet? How do u feel? have u any idea how many weeks? E xxx"

Me: "Really exciting? Really scary!! I'd just decided to wait a couple of years as well! cant tell si til he gets home at half 10, wouldnt wana tel over the phone.  Must've been the time a few weeks ago i guess. So anythin around 3 wks preg i guess. I have a sort of sick feeling in my stomach, like shock i guess! But i really did feel like i was preg, totally unlike that other time. eg i've never had tender boobs b4. Also tiny tiny bit of blood yest when my P was due, then nothing more. So now i feel weird coz dont wana tell anyone except sj n u until i've had a blood test. And i'm all on my own. weird. =/ xx"

EB: "Aww i bet this next hour is gona go slowly! But yea i'd def wait til he gets back, not on the phone. He/she could end up sharing my birthday! (11th May) Hehe. E xxx"

Me: "More like june prob lol. Oh i feel so weird now, i can tell it's coz i just wana tell someone! i nrealy mentioned to my mum earlier that i thought i might be preg but theought i shouldn't in the end coz i hadn't done the test. but now, well now i just wana know for certain!! i'm trying to distract myself by playing WoW and having the tv on but it's not really working! also slightly worries coz my sugar levels (I'm diabetic) have been really mental the last few days. Xx"

EB: "How soon will u be able 2 have a test?Yea i guess that is worrying, is it common 4 bein preg 2 affect it? E x"

Me: "A site says that just by being diabetic 'you are at a higher risk of losing your baby or having a baby with a congenital abnormality'. So it's very rubbish. And all stuff i've read says make sure your diabetes is really well controlled b4 gettin preg and mine was ok but a bit up and down. gonna have to wait til at least mon for a doc test but might see if co-op sells test so i can test again. but usually a positive test is correct lol... eek eek eek. Xx"

EB: "I'm sure the Dr wil give u more info n stuf. N God knowns wat He's doin! I'm sure they wil sell test. Wat u think sj will say? E xxx"

Me: "Dunno, think he'll be happy but i know he decided the same, that we weren't gonna have kids for a couple of years. So i dunno really lol. But at least it means i don't have to worry about decidin anymore lol! Xx!

EB: "Haha yeah that's true. N at least u have a house n he has a job so it's not a bad time even if u had wanted 2 wait a bit. E x"

Me: "Yeah I know, it's all fine, and i'm sure i'm gonna love it. just feels odd at the mo coz is all so new... and wana tell simon! plus feel really young lol...Xxx"

EB: "I think you'll get used to the idea pretty quickly, n i know u'l love it! U don't have 2 long 2 wait now, he'l be home soon, hope he's not late lol. El x"

....etc etc. You get the idea!

So SJ got back shortly after that. I, for some reason, couldn't actually SAY it to him.. so i just said 'i want to show you something' and showed him the test. He said he thought it might be that! (He 'just had a hunch') But i'd already previously told him my period was late and about my breasts being tender so I wasn't surprised that he'd caught on! But anyway, then i just cried on him! I think it was all the emotion after not being able to release it onto anyone properly. Then we had snacks in front of the tv and then I went to bed and he came to bed soon after.

I have to say though, it was the worst night of sleep i've had in a long time! Took me ages to get to sleep, then i woke up around 4 or 5am, felt really weird/sick and then after that just drifted in and out of sleep, amongst random dreams of babies and relatives.

This morning (sunday), I felt MUCH better. SJ had had to go to work but that was ok. I think it was coz i'd actually told some people! Then at church I was debating telling SG (in the end i didn't, not sure why, think i'm going to wait til i'm a few more weeks gone, would hate him to get his hopes up too much!). After church I bumped into my Dad, who'd popped in to the parish centre after going to co-op. So I told him then and there. He said, "well i'm delighted! i'm going to be a grandad! i knew that's what you'd probably tell me after you said i've got something to tell you.." and he hugged me and it was all nice!

Oh yeah, before church i was talking to HG and she said i looked tired, i said i slept really badly and she seemed to be enquiring more so i just said 'i'll tell you later'. Then later on, at the bring and share meal, she said, 'so what's this thing you were going to tell me? is it what i think it is?' - of course, i had no idea what she thought it was, and said so! but she guessed straight away anyway. (She later said i 'had the look'.)

So after not intending to tell her i did! but i don't mind. I think she can keep it to herself.

Sadly my mum is in London today so i can't tell her. She's getting back pretty late so i think it's going to have to wait til tomorrow. Not entirely sure how I can see her without giving things away, unless i go visit (which i hate doing without a lift coz it's a half hour walk and up a big hill... what a lazy lump I am!).

So anyway that's where I'm at right now. Alone in a house yet again (most people at the family's house are out and other friends are busy)... thankfully SJ will be home fairly soon, in about an hour.

One thing I've noticed about how i'm feeling is that my tummy, which on my period usually gets a bit funny and makes me go to the loo quite often, is actually still being like that, despite not being on my period (technically). So that's a bit odd, and makes me wonder what causes that particular symptom. Also I keep getting aches at the sides of my belly, sort of just inside where the front bits of my hips are (where I'd guess my ovaries to be, i suppose). And mostly on the right hand side. So i'm not quite sure what that's about. It's hard to tell but it also feels a bit like the very lowest bit of my tummy is slightly different. I mean, if I'm pregnant then obviously the insides are different already, but I wouldn't expect to be able to feel a difference yet!

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