Saturday, 1 May 2010

C to the S

Just realised I've not posted the latest baby news yet...

We went to the hospital on monday expecting the usual scan and clinic stuff, and I was armed to ask about whether they would want to induce or not - since the midwives had been hinting for ages but the consultants had not said anything about it. Of course, armed with a question which was probably going to have an answer of "38 weeks", I expected to be told at that visit anyway. Didn't quite expect what I was told, though.

It was a bit of a pooey visit to begin with - waiting around for ages since it was a late appointment and it's always busier later on, and I was getting so hot and claustrophobic too. We had, as usual, forgotten to take books to read, so I found myself counting the pregnant women (10, 9 of which were bigger than me - so boo sucks to those weirdos who are rude enough to tell me I look huge...) So yeah, by the time we went in to the scan room we were already fed up!

The first thing I noticed about the scan was that the visibility was terrible. Apparently that was due to all the water in my skin, which would make sense, although I didn't think it was all over, just at the bottom (I have a lovely malleable lump there, mmm yum). It was weird though, like looking through a fog. So the lady tries to do the usual measurements, repeating them to get them as accurate as possible.

Now, I don't know what they reckon the data tells them about the baby's weight, but last time they guessed the weight it was 6.6lbs or something. So that would have been quite large for that point. Well, the measurements had been going slowly up and up, but this time was something else... a massive leap for the heavens, and almost off the chart! (This is the stomach measurement, of course.) It measured at 400mm circumference. To put this in perspective, this would be over the 95th percentile if I was at 42 weeks - and I was only 36 1/2!! So, quite large then! I don't know if this means that the baby is now many many more pounds than their estimate or what - I need to ask them that when we go on Tuesday.

My usual consultant was away (typical) so we had a different one who seemed pretty nice. He looked at the measurements and stuff, then asked us how much we'd been told about the birth process, how it's done and what happens [for diabetics]. We answered, "Nothing. Nothing at all!" He said in disbelief, "really?!"... glad it wasn't just me who felt we should have been told this sort of thing long before now!

Anyway he then pretty much dived in to tell us just how huge the baby was looking, and how it was probably verging on being pretty dangerous to try and give birth naturally. He felt that a caesarean was necessary, and probably before the end of next week (marking 38 weeks). He asked, "Does that make you feel relieved or disappointed?"

I can't write down how I felt. Quite a bit of shock - it was a sudden freak measurement, after all - and yes, very disappointed. More so because I realised at that point that as a diabetic, if I had a c/s for my first baby, I'd probably never experience natural birth. Never. Now, I don't know about you, ladies, but for me that's something I'd just grown up expecting - sort of dreading, but dying to know what it was all about at the same time! Writing this nearly a week later, I have got used to the idea and a large part of me doesn't want them to change their mind again - but I'm pretty certain this is simply because I want to know for sure what's happening, I'm tired of being in limbo. Yes, I'm tired of being pregnant too, but not so much that I want to be cut open!

I was so upset. I cried half the way home, I wasn't even sure why. I felt a bit like part of me, part of my womanhood, had been taken away. I was on the verge of tears for a couple of days afterwards. The worst part was that the doctor had explained how he was mainly worried about shoulder dystocia - and, knowing exactly what that is and how horrible it can be, I felt like I had no choice but to agree with a c/s for the baby's safety and my own.

A big part of me wants to go into labour naturally, or at least have labour induced and 'have a go' at delivering naturally first. But I sort of feel, if they're going to cut me open anyway, maybe they should just get on and do it; I'll be tired enough after a c/s alone, never mind if I'd tried to push it out first!

Speaking of such things, I did actually have some contractions the other day. Thursday evening, about 35 mins apart, but for a fair while. I'm pretty sure they went on through the night too, because I kept waking up all the time (more frequent than usual!). Sadly by the next morning they had decided to fade away. Ah well, can but hope.

Back to the c/s... what I mostly wanted to know was why so many people felt it was helpful to say to me pretty much anything along the lines of, "Ah well, as long as the baby is ok then it doesn't matter how it comes out!"

Well, actually, yes it does, thank you very much.

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